I don't know. I remember the feeling of being immersed in fantasy worlds—web novels, films, animated shows, art, books, novels, children's books, music, and such. I remember the fiction urban stories and how vast they made the world feel. I remember the fiction forests. I remember the infinite vastness that older MMORPGs like Redstone Online made me feel about the progression. I remember the countless manga I've read and how they made me feel about all sorts of environments—urban, fantasy, sci-fi, etc.
I remember what I was like in 2015, and I see just how much I've changed. I can see the weight of the entirety of my life, and I can see how endlessly rich, vast, and complex it was.
I remember the innumerable dreams I've had over the years.
I remember looking at photos and being young and ignorant about the history. Learning history has made it harder for me to feel wonder and awe. Reading so many older texts and just reading much in general has exposed me to too much.
I remember the endlessness, vastness, and infinite fantasy of trains, but the more that I ride trains, reflect on past experiences, and travels, and learn about the world, the harder it is to feel that feeling again. I remember when trains were isolated from the rest of the world, but now they're just a vehicle in a society and world of infrastructure.
I remember so many stories that really dove into the world and perspective of highs school boys and girls. I remember how they expanded and showed just how vast, rich, and complex each of their worlds were. I immersed myself in them, and I saw so much. I felt so much.
I remember when survival games truly felt like survival games like Survival 303 by Davidii2 and Stranded (2003) by Unreal Software.
I remember when post-apocalyptic zombie games like Last Stand, Apocalypse Rising, and Deadzone felt so real.
I remember when Minecraft roleplay videos like those by DanTDM felt as tangible as licking the dirt.
I remember when horror games felt scary like "The Orphanage" back in 2014, which DanTDM played, and the Hospital Nightmare series, an old Roblox game.
Even right now, as I search for examples and write these words down, I am in a Roblox game (though not actively playing), and my RPG character is just hitting the opponents. There was a point that enemies and Roblox games felt real. I remember the Roblox game "Hunger Games" by Ozzypig.
I remember reading stories that made me believe.
But just now, as I was writing this passage, my Youtube account got removed. I did not have that many videos there, but I still lost the account. I already lost my two former accounts, one that was started in 2021 and continues up to September 10, 2024, and that older one that was from much earlier, probably around 2012, which lasted until around 2019, 2020, or 2021.
So you can see that despite all of that immersion, the reality is that I can only deal with the physicality of the moment, with all the tangible setbacks, details, limitations, concerns, and such. I can only live with everything that I'm tackling now. All of those ideals, immersions, and noble promises. They're gone now.
There was a time when STR, DEX, INT, VIT, AGI, WIS meant something to me and they had tangible value. I would see them in RPGs, in web novels, and in LitRPG manga.
I remember when FPS games like Crossfire Online felt satisfying. I remember the feeling of getting higher and higher ranks.
I remember when games like AdventureQuest felt so real and immersive.
I remember it felt like there was so much at stake and everything was so tangible.
But I've become so much less sensitive in order to take in so much more, reflect, and make sense of everything through my ongoing 2.1-million-word autobiography-journal.
I remember when children's books felt so real. The art, the images, and such were so visceral.
I remember when I would enjoy so much animated shows like Ninjago and Legends of Chima (having loved it because of an encyclopedia I had rather than because I watched it).
I remember when I would genuinely believe in web novels like Overgeared, Legendary Mechanic, Lord of the Mysteries, Everybody Loves Large Chests, The Iron Teeth: A Goblin's Tale, The Many Lives of Cadence Lee, An Outcast In Another World (Subtitle: Is 'Insanity' A Racial Trait?), and such.